Last call.

      

      Have you ever thought about starting over?  I mean just saying “screw it” and walking away from all the stress, the grind, and the bullshit that you put up with, and instead pursuing your long-forgotten dreams?  Have there been moments, when you can’t sleep late at night and listen to the rain hit your windows, where something deep inside you contemplates the delicious possibility of unplugging your life and rebuilding it exactly how you’d want it to look?  

     Well that’s what I’m doing.  I am selling or donating all of my material possessions and moving down to Costa Rica.  I’ll be living in a sleepy little surf village on the Pacific coast called Tamarindo.  I plan on filling up my time with writing full time.  It's my life's dream to be a writer, and live in the service to others.  Of course I’ll also work out on the beach, learn to surf, become fluent in Spanish, volunteer with local charities, and oh yeah, do some work every day; I guess I’ll be busy in paradise.     

     Most people live a “life of quiet desperation,’ as Henry David Thoreau describes in Walden, his 1854 novel about eschewing the trappings of modern society to live transcendentally in a little cabin in the woods.

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life… I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life…to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion."

— Henry David Thoreau, Walden

     Damn that hits home.  Go back and read it again, but really read it this time – don’t just skim past it.  Say the words out loud, slowly.  I did not wish to live what was NOT life….and when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.  Wow.  I’ve recently asked myself if I was living some lesser version of my own life, and the answer didn’t please me.  So I, too, will reduce life to its lowest terms, listen intently to what it has to teach me, and publish an account of its meanness or sublimation. 

 

     Do you know how friggin good it feels to completely take apart your life, and then put it back together exactly how you want it to look; to be the conscious architect of the skyscraper of your own existence?  It’s like you found a little string one day, just a tiny end of a string almost out of site in the corner of your peripheral vision.  You ignored it for years and years, at times completely forgot about it, but one day you get so curious that you just pull it a little bit.  What happened amazed you.  Right before your eyes the fabric of your reality unraveled like an old sweater, and it was intoxicating.  You pulled more and more.  Everything in your life was woven with this same thread.  Everything was connected and could be pulled apart by tugging on it; the walls of your room, the view from your office building that you stare at all day long, the traffic jam on the highway.  Soon there was nothing left except friends, family, your heart and your soul, and the rest was a beautiful white blank canvas.  And here’s the cool part – you could put it back together again any way you wanted.  That is true freedom my friends.   

     I am getting rid of two nice automobiles, a beautiful three thousand square foot home filled with expensive furniture, five TV’s, three couch sets, a hot tub, two storage sheds filled with mountains of crap, two bikes, four fridges, two full bars, about one hundred glasses, and three stereo systems.  I accumulated all of this STUFF over the last eight years of working my ass off.  But like the philosopher Nietzsche said, “That which you possess, possesses you.”  The time, energy, struggle, worry, and money it takes to first obtain these things, and then take care of them and protect them, distracts from one very important task…living your life.  So it all must go in the biggest karmic garage sale of all time.  I’m stripping down to these possessions:  some clothes, a laptop, and a bicycle.  My monthly budget will go from around $8,000 here in Sacramento to $800; food, rent, everything included.  That’s it.  

     Why am I doing this?  Have you ever heard of Sisyphus?  No, it’s not something you need Antibiotics to cure.  In Greek mythology he was an ill-fated king whose punishment from the Gods was that every day he had to push an immense boulder up a hill, only to see it roll back down again.  He had to do this every day for all eternity.  Have you ever felt like that?  Like you work harder and harder and put up with more and more bullshit in your life just to stay exactly where you are, or even move backwards?  Shiiiiiiiiiiit…I can go backwards on my own without any work or stress!  At a certain critical point you just look at it all and say “why bother?”  

     It’s not that anything is wrong here in the states.  In fact everything is going great and I’m as happy as I’ve ever been.  I’ve worked extremely hard to build a nice business for myself, have a beautiful home, and plenty of nice things, and most importantly incredible friends and family that I love dearly.    Maybe that is exactly why I can look at my life with clarity – I am on a nice, safe plateau with a great view.  I have achieved a lot, but for me the ultimate success, the measure of my true character and the footprint I want to leave on this world, will be to have the confidence to walk away from it all and chase my dreams.

     This may seem impulsive or escapist but that couldn't be further from the truth.  In fact a lot of deliberation, planning, and soul searching went into this decision over years.  I can characterize it best by sharing a conversation I had with Adam, one of my best friends who I've known every since junior high.  When I told him about my plans to head down to Costa Rica he half-joking remarked "What are you having your midlife crisis or something?"  I thought about that for a while, and came to the realization that no - my midlife crisis was settling down in Sacramento the last eight years and focusing on work and collecting possessions - what others consider success.  I'm over it.         

     I see SO many people grinding every day on that endless hamster wheel of work, stress, and struggling to pay bills, hoping just to scratch out a meager existence.  That was me.  Little by little my life became consumed with the struggle of this frenetic pace, until one day it became who I was, and that scared the hell out of me.  As each day went by I put aside chasing my dreams, about what really made me happy, until pretty soon I forget that I had dreams at all.  The fishbowl of my life grew smaller and smaller until I found myself swimming in circles and getting nowhere.  I felt like every day the chance to do something special with my life, the chance to truly pursue my dreams, was drowning in inattention.  

     So I am starting the process of a new epic journey in my life.  I am completely unplugging from the hustle and moving to a little beach town in Central America.  To just…be.  And write about it.  The process has been incredibly enjoyable.  I find myself with new-found time and space that’s like spring cleaning for the soul.  Now that I have gone from 100 miles an hour to a relaxing Sunday drive I have the strangest cravings.  I want to go to Philadelphia and watch the Phillies play during a sunny east coast afternoon and read my newspaper by the symmetrical green grass.  So I will.  I want to walk along the colonial ivy and brick streets of Yale in New Haven and loiter in the art galleries and libraries like cathedrals.  So I will.  I want to get in shape; to run on the soccer fields and shoot hoops and work on my health like a warrior once again.  I want to wear golf shirts with my college alma mater on them.  I want to read important books and bump music that’s the soundtrack to my life.  I want to hang out with Mitch and Goo and Reilly and drink beers and bullshit about the old days.  I want to wake up and give my nephews and niece big hugs, and tell them I love them, and do the same with my sister and my mom and tell them how much they mean to me.  So I will.  Then I want to head down to the tropics to a little sleepy surf town called Tamarindo and begin living again.  And I want to write, so I will.    

     I am going to document this journey and share it with you.  You’ll be able to see the circumstances and thoughts that went into this decision, the conflicted feelings of getting rid of everything and walking away from a very good life, and the practical details that preclude this grand exit.  A lot of people are asking me good questions about how the hell I can do this, will I still be working, why Costa Rica, how long will I be gone, etc. so I will provide honest answers the best I can.  I find myself on foreign soil in a very strange but beautiful place, and I want to draw a map for you in case you ever find yourself here.  

  

     This is the plan – I’ll be selling all of my furniture and material possessions in March.  In April I’m selling my cars, and putting my books and artwork in storage – the only things I’m keeping.  Soon I’ll just get around Sacramento on an old bicycle and walk around a huge empty house with a smile on my face.  April and May will be for working out in beast mode and saying “see you later” to all the people I love in Sacramento.  I’m going to write every day and volunteer at a local school program for disadvantaged kids.  I’m going to give away a lot of money to charities that I endear.  Then I’m going to throw the wildest party Sac has ever seen – I’m thinking of going with a pajama jam theme with the crescendo of a mass pillow fight, but I’m open to suggestions - and board a plane June 1 with a one-way ticket.  I’m out, byyytches!