A Letter to My Unborn Son. Part 2.

     I am writing this letter to my unborn son because I wanted to tell him all of the things that I wish someone had told me.  My father died in a plane crash when I was 2 years old so I would have to teach myself how to become a man.  I don’t want that ever to happen to my son.  I hope to have children of my own one day soon and I want to make sure to be there for him.  I hope this letter allows him to be happier, to enjoy life and realize what is so beautiful and precious about the journey he is on, no matter where it leads him.

Since writing the first post of “A letter to my unborn son,” I’ve received several very kind and heartfelt messages from single mothers who realize that their sons may be going through something similar.  They’ve asked if it would be ok for them to share this personal letter with their sons and hopefully impart some guidance.  I would be blown away and honored if they did so.  In fact, part of the point of writing this was to help anyone who needs it, whether I know them or not or they are a father, son, or single mother.  One of my friends asked me “What if you have a daughter – what advice would you give to her?”  That is a tough one, because there would only be two chapters in that book:

1.     Don’t date until you are 30 years old.

2.     Don’t date guys like me!

      

Enjoy and I welcome any feedback or suggestions you have.

 

You WILL be a fan of the Philadelphia Phillies if you are my son.  If you even think about rooting for any other team you will automatically be taken out of my will, which in itself isn’t a threat with that many teeth because I will probably be broke and have nothing to leave to you anyway.  So please be a fan of the Phillies for your old man.  As a little kid back I saw first saw them on TV playing in the World Series in 1980, and have been a diehard fan ever since.  They sucked for decades and it built a lot of character, but now they are competitive again.   So I will (as will you) always bleed Phillie red.  The only possible excuse for rooting for another team is maybe if you are living in another city that has an American League team, but if you ever root for the Yankees I’m going to demand a paternity test and confront the mailman.

About 90% of the shit you worry about and stress over in life is irrelevant, will never come to pass, will work itself out, or ends up being for the best.  Stressing about stuff that doesn’t exist yet will make you miserable, and it’s healthy to realize what is being assumed and played out in your mind versus what actually exists in the real world.  You will have enough challenges and hardships in life that you’ll have to fight through without fighting battles that don’t even exist.  This reminds me of Don Quixote, the delusional, self-important knight in Miguel Cervantes’ books whose imagination ran so wild he ended up doing battle with windmills and thinking they were grand dragons.  Only worry about things that actually exist in the present and that you have some control over, because then you can act to make it better and positively affect the outcome.  If you don’t have control over it then there’s no need stressing about it anyway, and if it hasn’t happened yet then it doesn’t exist and there’s no need stressing about it. 

Over the course of your life you will have a lot of relationships with women, whether it is friendships, dating, girlfriends, or ultimately marriage.  You are very fortunate if ONE of them works, and no two relationships will be the same.  But it’s worth it.  So enjoy the journey and don’t expect every relationship to work out or be surprised if it doesn’t.  What you’ll want to get out of it is to know that person very well and let them know you, share experiences both good and bad, and give your caring and love.  Appreciate the time you spend together and the positive qualities about that person and realize that everything and everyone changes.  

   

Buy quality.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to save a few bucks by buying something that is cheaper or discounted.  Every single times it ends up not working correctly, doesn’t fit, I don’t like it, etc and I end up spending twice as much on a replacement.  If you want or need something have fun looking around and researching what you like best and is the highest quality.  Then save up for it and buy what you really want only once and will last you a long time.  When I first got in the real estate business in Sacramento in 2004 I had to trade in my dirty painting shorts for business suits.  Not knowing what the hell I was doing, and being on a tight budget and looking to save a buck, I found a suit on Ebay for only $99 and ordered it.  The suit was advertised as “light stone” color and looked like a simple khaki brown color.  The suit came and I brought it into the tailors to get altered without even taking it out and fully trying it on.  I got it back from the cleaners in a plastic bag and threw it on one morning, half asleep and in a dark room.  I had a dentist appointment that morning and curiously everyone kept complimenting me on my suit.  I got a good look at it under the dentist’s lights when I was in the chair and was shocked to see it was a light neon green color!  I don’t know what stone they were describing in the advertisement but it must have been a stone with a lot of moss on it.  From there on in it was a cautionary tale at the real estate office, a demonstration of buying cheap versus quality. One of my coworkers, Kara, actually saved the jacket and we call it the Money Green Suit! 

Be good to the little people in life.  First off there are no little people because we are all equal, but be kind and friendly with the cleaning ladies, parking attendants, bus boys, security guards, secretaries, janitors, etc.  I’ve found that people who live a humble existence are often giants of spirit.  They are the salt of the earth and most of the time really know what’s going and run the show where they work.  Showing them respect, showing kindness, and expressing a genuine interest even though you have nothing to gain builds a strong foundation of karma – an invisible investment in humanity.  Making the active choice to be friendly to everyone, especially the common person, will give you joy, friendships, and opportunities in life that you would never expect.

Don’t give money to people to people panhandling on the street.  Unfortunately a lot of people on the street will end up using it to buy drugs or alcohol.  If you want to help out, and you should, then save up your money and donate to legitimate charities, educational programs, community centers, or shelters.  Offer to buy someone a burger if they are hungry if you really want and go get it for them and bring it back.  I only give money to street solicitors if they extend some effort to entertain me, make me laugh, play music, or are super polite because then it’s not a hand out, it was earned.    

What’s the meaning of life?  That’s easy – it’s to be happy.  At first glance that may sound selfish or narcissistic, but that’s not it at all.  The meaning of life is to be happy and enjoy the time and existence you have on this earth, because by doing so you’ll feel and act out of love, not the fear that consumes so many people and breeds anger, jealousy, and envy.  You being happy will give permission to others to feel good, and those around you will benefit from the aura of love and joy you exude.  Happiness will allow you to be good to others and make this world a better place.  You’ll be able to make clear, honest decisions that lead you to more health and happiness.  Like ripples in a pond you’ll be spreading your happiness and clarity to others, and you just can’t do that if you don’t possess it yourself.  In fact I would say that hope is also the meaning of life.  I read an interview with the Dalai Lama once and he made this point.  You don’t even need true happiness to find a reason to keep going and purpose in your life, but just the hope of achieving that happiness in the future, or the freedom to act and make choices that may bring you closer.  It is merely the dream of happiness that makes hope enough to sustain us and keep us alive.       

Work in construction or do manual labor for a while when you are young.  It will help you develop a real work ethic that will serve you well the rest of your life.  You might pick up some basic trade or handyman skills that you can fall back on for the rest of your life or use for your own house.  Most importantly it will show you very clearly what you DON’T want to be doing the rest of your life!  There’s nothing wrong with being a contractor – I had a house painting company called Gorilla Painting for a while in Connecticut and made good money – but you don’t want to be doing manual labor or hard physical work past when you are about 35 years old.  I remember my mom, your Oma, always used to tell me I’d end up a ditch digger if I didn’t start doing well in school and taking it seriously.  Of course I only half listened and years later I looked up one hot summer day, sweating and miserable for meager wages,  and found myself – you got it, digging ditches.