I am writing this letter to my unborn son because I wanted to tell him all of the things that I wish someone had told me. My father died in a plane crash when I was 2 years old, so for the most part, other than a couple temporary step-dads, I was raised without a father. I never thought or recognized that I felt the loss - my mother did an amazing job providing for myself and my older sister, Barbara, and we wanted for nothing and were rich in love. She was really a better parent by herself than most two parents I’ve seen together and I have nothing but love and reverence for her. However looking back there are certain things only a man can teach a man, and even more secrets only a father can give a son. As a boy, a teenager, and an adult I would have to teach myself how to become a man. It was me alone facing the hard cold world, and I was left to my own devices, and trial and error to figure it out. At times I almost didn’t make it.
I don’t want that ever to happen to my son. I hope to have children of my own one day soon and I want to make sure to be there for him – not just with love, stability, and being a capable provider, but with the hold-no-punches lessons about the world we live in. Hopefully this letter will spare him from all the pain, failures, costly mistakes and wasted opportunities I went through. I hope this letter allows him to be happier, to enjoy life and realize what is so beautiful and precious about the journey he is on, no matter where it leads him. When life is darkest for him and things seem hopeless he’ll be able to turn to this letter and feel the love and guidance passed down through generations. Maybe he will add to it and give it to his son.
My utmost desire is that my son never has to read this, because that means I will be there by his side as a best friend, mentor, coach, dad, and father, dispensing sage wisdom at the kitchen table or while throwing a baseball in the backyard. But if he ever needs it; God forbid if I am not around, or if the importance of these lessons has faded in my mind, this letter will come to good use. I hope it helps.
These are lessons and snippets of wisdom in no particular order. This will be an ongoing letter with many future dialogues that hopefully will turn into a book.
1. Be good to your mother.
The kind of person and man you become is directly reflected by how well you treat your mother. She brought you into this world and has put so much love, hard work, and sacrifice into making sure you are healthy and happy. Thank her for that by being kind to her, easing her burden, and tell her every single day that you love her and how special she is. If you are a good son you will probably turn out to be a great husband and father yourself.
2. In a fight:
When you are in a fight, or it’s apparent that it’s gonna happen, then throw the first punch. Hit him hard in the chin (the chin is like the OFF button no matter how big he is), the mouth or the nose with straights shots (not wild looping shots). ALWAYS keep your hands up and protect yourself, about 6 inches in front of your face, and keep your hands and head moving slightly. You will be scared before a fight but the anticipation is worse than the fight or getting hit.Before it starts do not push or talk. If he does, and gets very close in your face, a headbutt to his nose will always stun him and give you time to start swinging. Always stick up for your friends but don’t jump in a one-on-one fight, but assume others will. Stay ready for others to fight dirty, sucker punch you, or jump in a clean fight. If someone has a knife, a gun, or there are several other guys who want to fight then run away - it’s not worth it and your revenge is to keep living.
3. To be popular with girls:
There are certain surefire ways to get attention and be desired by girls and women in your life. Thankfully these have nothing to do with looks! Remember that getting girls doesn’t solve your problems – in fact it causes more, and it’s best to find the right girl that you really connect with on all levels, but that is the subject for another lesson. Women are attracted to power. Don’t be angry at that or try to change it, because you’ll just make yourself miserable – it’s just the way of the world. It’s an innate instinct and they can’t help but go for power every time – it’s sort of like throwing a tennis ball for a Labrador and knowing they will always chase it. Us men are hardwired to go for chics that are pretty or physically hot every single time, so we are no different.
To be popular with girls it’s very simple:
1. Be an athlete and play sports, particularly football, baseball, basketball, or the more popular physical sports.
2. Play guitar, and hopefully you can sing a little bit too. Guys in bands get girls whenever they want, and lead singers of bands get so many girls they have to fight them off!
3. Make good money and show it off just a little (nice car, clothes, etc.)
4. Own a boat. Women go nuts and will do things you wouldn’t believe when partying on a boat.
5. Be a policeman or a fireman.
6. Show indifference towards a hot girl. I’m not saying to be mean or rude towards them – just ignore them a little or don’t kiss their ass like everyone else. Have fun and make it apparent that you don’t need them. They will instantly wonder why, triggering their insecurities (hot girls are WAY more insecure than most). Their ego will crave your attention and approval and be drawn to you like a magnet.
4. Don’t cheat.
This is a hard one for guys, but if you want to ultimately be happy and live a life of integrity then show respect and don’t cheat on your girlfriend or wife. Ever. Karma is a bitch and what you do usually comes back to bite you in the end, more importantly you just don’t want to do it to her.
You are a man and will have urges all the time, but you’ll have to resist these urges. If you are just dating someone casually or having fun that is one thing – just be honest with her if she asks, but if you are in a committed relationship and really care for the person then hurting her is like hurting yourself.
If you can’t shake it and see that sooner or later it will happen then she is not the right girl for you - do the right thing and end the relationship first, and thereby respecting her and yourself.
5. Have music in your life.
It will uplift your soul and give you joy and hope on a daily basis.
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